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« Cyber Bullying and Youth | Sexual Harassment or Not: The Kissing Bandit »
Thursday
Jul152010

The “Slut Reputation” Discussion

By Mike Domitrz

But if I ask for a kiss, my partner is going to assume I also want a lot more than a kiss.

Over the years of discussing verbal consent with students around the country, this concern has been expressed numerous times by females of various ages.  The worry is that showing any verbal sexual communication will lead to her partner thinking she wants “everything” and/or is a “slut.”

When you understand “How” to discuss boundaries, wants, and expectations for sexual activity, you realize a respecting partner is going to LISTEN to you and quickly realize he/she cannot jump to conclusions with what YOU WANT. 

Quick example for you to say,

“Often toward the end of a date, it can get a little awkward because the 2 people don’t know what is expected. To avoid the awkwardness (especially since we are having soo much fun tonight), how do you communicate what you expect and/or want from a partner?  For instance, I believe in always ASKING FIRST.  If you want to kiss me, ask me. I’ll let you know my answer.  I’ll do the same for you.  If I want to kiss you, I’ll ask you.  If I ask for a kiss or say ‘Yes’ to a kiss, it is a kiss at that point and not more.  Anyone who just ‘goes for it’ and tries to do more without asking me first, the date is over. I believe in both of us respecting each other at all times. Is that cool?”

If your partner thinks you are a “slut” for having a mature, open discussion on boundaries, get a new partner!  Find someone with the maturity and emotional intelligence to respect your voice at all times.  After all, you deserve respect!

P.S. The above example script provided can be used by all genders and sexual orientation.

About the author: Mike Domitrz, founder of The Date Safe Project Inc and author of May I Kiss You? and Help! My Teen is Dating, is a widely-acclaimed speaker for schools and communities on the topics of dating and sexual intimacy decisions, consent, respect, bystander intervention, and sexual assault. His one-man-show titled "Can I Kiss You?" is a catalyst for social change in middle schools, high schools, and colleges throughout the country. For all scheduling and/or booking of programs, call 800-329-9390. To learn more, visit http://www.DateSafeProject.org

Mike was also a celebrity judge for our Break the Silence PSA Contest. He agreed to write this guest blog entry to help celebrate our first full year of education through blogging!

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